I'm going to now.
ONCE UPON A TIME...
There were a bunch of people who had lived in Egypt, underground, in a tomb, for most of either 5000, 3000, or 1000 years, depending on the translation. Why were they there? Well. Because they were protecting two-- well actually three things. But two can be grouped together.
The first are two of the Milennium Items. I don't know why only two, but it probably has something to do with all the other ones being spoken for by this point in the plot.
The second had to do with the Pharaoh's memory. We'll come back to that later.
This is Mommy Ishtar and Daddy Ishtar.
They wanted to have a baby to carry on the whole legacy thing, but they couldn't. Oh no! Luckily, one day, Mommy Ishtar found an abandoned baby outside, and brought him in. They named him Rishid, and said "hey, how about if we don't end up having a baby, we'll adopt you officially!"
This made Rishid very happy!
Then, when Rishid was ... four? Five? Mommy Ishtar and Daddy Ishtar had a baby. It was a girl! They named her Isis, but Daddy Ishtar said that a girl was useless, because she couldn't carry on the legacy.
Yeah, way to go, dad. Dick.
Another four years later, Mommy Ishtar had another baby. Their last baby, in fact, since Mommy Ishtar died pretty much immediately after birth.
This one was a boy, so immediately Rishid lost any chance of becoming officially adopted, and was pretty much permanently downgraded to servant. He was a nice guy, though, so Rishid tried to be as nice as he could to little baby Malik.
ONE DAY, tiny Malik was ... playing in the tomb, and got bitten by a cobra. Daddy Ishtar blamed Rishid for not looking after him enough, and beat the crap out of him. So what did Rishid do? Well, of course ...
He went to stab little Malik to death. Wouldn't you?
What stopped him? Well. Malik, totally oblivious to his impending possible murder, apologized to Rishid, saying it was his fault and calling him 'Brother'. Rishid was pretty much floored, and Malik explained that he'd always seen Rishid as a brother. D'AWWWWWW.
So obviously, there was no stabbing. Yet.
Cut to Malik being ten years old.
Malik isn't happy. Why? Because he knows that he's going to have his entire back carved up and permanently scarred, and he knows it's going to hurt a lot. The pain is supposed to last as long as a month-- not even considering, you know, how much it hurts at the time.
Understandably, he DOESN'T WANT TO DO IT.
Rishid offers to take the Ritual in Malik's place. Malik is pleased with this idea! ... Daddy Ishtar, not so much. He beats the crap out of Rishid again, says he's just a servant and that he'll never be part of the family. DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK DICK I HATE YOU DADDY ISHTAR I HATE YOU I HATE YOU And then Malik gets carved up anyway.
ENTER YAMI MALIK. The split personality that Malik created out of anger and hatred to be able to cope with the pain, he's-- he's a bad dude. And not the good kind of bad dude, either.
Luckily! Rishid felt really really bad about not being able to do anything for Malik, so he performed his own ritual, and carved up the side of his face. Rishid's pain tolerance must be fucking ridiculous.
When Malik saw it-- I'm not sure whether that was the purpose of the carvings or a side effect, but it sealed away his anger so that his darker personality couldn't take over. So hey! They all lived happily ever after, the end.
... Nah, I'm totally fucking with you.
When Malik was eleven, he decided he wanted to see the sun. If you'll recall, he lived underground! In a tomb! He was also forbidden to ever ever ever see the outside world.
Malik tops his siblings, though. He got Isis to agree to take him outside, and Rishid would cover for them. They went out top! It was adorable. Malik found a book that had a picture of a motorcycle in it, and asked if he could keep the picture, Isis warned him not to EVER tell their dad, etc.
But then some asshole in a turban showed up. He said, basically, that EVERYTHING THAT EVER WENT WRONG IN MALIK'S LIFE would be the Pharaoh's fault. And then he vanished.
So hey, Isis gets freaked out! And they go back home. But as they're opening the door to go back down, Malik points something out, and Isis realizes that their dad totally set a trap, and he knew that they were gone the whole time. OOPS.
Malik and Isis rush down to find Rishid, since he was covering for them, and they find Daddy Ishtar beating the crap out of him again, this time really really badly. Like, verge-of-death badly. Like, they-thought-he-was-dead badly.
Then, Daddy Ishtar turned to Malik, and Malik freaked out. And hey, with Rishid (as far as they knew) dead, and Malik freaking out? Perfect opportunity for his personalities to switch, which they did.
So Yami Malik heads over, grabs the Milennium Rod, uses it to immobilize both Isis and Daddy Ishtar, pulls the hidden knife, and stabs ol' Daddy Ishtar to death. (Then Yami Malik partially skins him, in the manga-- he removes the part with the carvings and throws it on Rishid, saying that hadn't he wanted that to begin with?)
But hey! Rishid starts to wake up. Yami Malik knows that if Rishid is around, he can't be the dominant personality, and goes to stab him as well. But it's too late, and when Rishid gets up, Malik switches personalities again.
He doesn't remember anything that happened after his personalities switched over, and understandably, he's incredibly traumatized when he sees his dad's corpse.
THEN TURBAN ASSHOLE (Shaadi) TURNS UP AGAIN. He says that Malik's dad's death was the will of the Pharaoh, as well.
Malik doesn't know any better, so he's like-- well, okay, I'll get revenge on this Pharaoh son of a bitch, then. He takes the Millennium Rod and heads out to steal two of the Egyptian God Cards, which-- yeah, are super powerful cards for their card game. Damnit, I got SO CLOSE to not having cards in here at all.
Rishid goes along with him, to stop him from doing anything too stupid, and to protect him. Isis finds them and the Millennium Rod gone, takes the Millennium
Malik starts a cult (he's 11 at this point), Isis joins the government (she's 15), and five years later YGO's Battle City arc starts.
NEXT TIME: Everything Malik Does In The Series: The Essay.